Going through my divorce was a painful time. I never thought in a million years I’d be going through a second one. How in the world could this be happening to me?
But it was. And it was lonely. Very lonely.
And the people that I looked to the most was my church home. Boy what a disappointment that turned out to be. At one point,
I was even told that in order to get help I needed to be at life group. I was devastated. I felt like I was good enough to sing and bless the congregation but I wasn’t good enough for the congregation to congregate around me unless I was in church.
I stopped going!
The next several months were filled with Sundays with just my children and I spending time together. We went to the bookstore, to the park, sometimes we just kicked it on the couch together. But always stayed connected to God.
Sundays came and Sundays went. And I knew the hurt and bitterness in my heart would not allow me to sit in anyone’s church without fighting unforgiveness. So I stayed home for months and asked God to heal my heart.
Every day I would sit in silence, meditating and praying. I was becoming stronger and the bitterness was dying.
One day I felt it was time. It was time to return to the very place that I felt had abandoned me.
This time when I returned I was different. I was FREE! I was free of the need for people to give me what they did not have. I no longer NEEDED the church members to do anything for me because I had learned how to do it for myself. I had learned how to love, cherish, and support myself.
I sat in that service with such a peaceful heart. I loved the people around me even when it seemed they could not properly love me back when I needed it most.
I learned how not to put trust in human beings but rather trust in the Most High to give me what I needed from within first.
Then suddenly it happened. What I had learned to give to myself I began to attract from other people.
One of the greatest decisions I made was to leave the church. My leaving brought me closer to God in that season.
And I returned back a stronger and more loving woman.